Caffeinated Christian

Rachmaninoff or Einstein?

2011-01-13T15:59:00.000-08:00

I've always been relatively interested in the human brain. The brain, as an object bears so much subjectivity surrounding it. Has the worlds greatest genius been killed in their 20s, long before they were able to reach potential (or aborted, but that's for Elephants)? Or was the genius of Rachmaninoff perhaps greater than that of Einstein?

As I've studied the brain a little in my spare time I've become very interested in the brains function as it is a reflection of God's genius. I love creativity, and the inborn creative nature of mankind. Even the crayon drawings of young children far surpass the creativity of any other species. Young children draw ties and make neurological connections that allow them to create, remember, and employ. Dr. Charles Limb, who's religious affiliation is unknown to myself, posted a very interesting video on TED.com

I wrote a paper for my High School Human Anatomy and Physiology Class on the motor detriment of damage to the occipital lobe compared to the parietal lobe. If a person loses their ability to see how is this better or worse for their ability to autonomously navigate life compared to the dysfunction of the parietal lobe... I concluded, in my pseudo-academic treatise, that the spacial concept provided by the parietal lobe far outweighs the visual stimulus offered by a functioning occipital lobe.

As a creative type in the artistic world for three years, and an avid Jazz enthusiast, I really enjoyed Dr. Charles Limb's introductory conversation on the gravity of the frontal lobe's importance in creative endeavors. He showcased Blood Oxygen Level Imaging of the frontal lobe during jazz improvisational piano playing, and during rap improvisation. His study didn't really answer any questions, however, he did open the doors on a very interesting conversation.

Speculations and hopeful Implications:
If in fact the areas that are activated during creativity are the same that are activated for phono-linguistics there could be a very significant implication to speech therapy when combined with creative arts. A child that does not speak well, could possibly stimulate their lingual gyrus by painting... This wouldn't even require stimulus across the basal parietotemporal line, but could be isolated to the frontal lobe and have the same advantageous effect. I'm no expert in art or speech therapy, but I'm sure there is a doctoral dissertation buried somewhere in all this (take a few courses in functional magnetic resonance imaging).

I also see a possibility whereby a person engaging in the creative arts could be demonstrating a high linguistic acumen. This has very significant implications into the standardized testing world. If creativity is a tangible language, with measurable metrics a creative person's capability could be quantified and rewarded. However if these test begin to show that the Brodmann area were what was the primary reactor this would be totally irrelevant.

If I were a cultural anthropologist I would be ravenously consuming data on this quote though: "Rap serves the same function socially as Jazz did in its day." Dr. Charles Limb. I think this could be a very interesting compare/contrast paper, or even fodder for any young hip-hop artist sick of taking flack.

2011-01-12T11:58:00.000-08:00

Check out my new article on what I believe is really behind the recent shootings in Arizona! With all of the hype and rhetoric we can't fail to see the forest for the trees.

2010-05-11T08:40:00.001-07:00

I stumbled upon (not the website) a great quote from Donald Miller today. What would it mean to listen to the voice of God every day. To play off His rhythms, and to grow by His voice? Check out my article on The Real Voice on my blog Theolook.

2010-05-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

I read a bit of John Adams' work recently. What an amazing man! I felt compelled to write a little story on the type of man he was on my political blog "Elephants on Parade." Check it out if you have a chance, the article is called The Statesman . I would love some feedback.

2010-05-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of.": -Benjamin Franklin, June 1746
I heard this quote for the first time today as I walked down a very wet Fountain Street in Grand Rapids. It was drizzling, that quintessential Michigan spring rain, cool to the skin, and cold to the heart. My dear friend's dad, Mr. Niewiadomski, a man known for frequent words of wisdom, imparted upon me this trifle while discussing the importance of timeliness. I never gave much thought to time. Time is a precarious substance. Very difficult to really place. It seems that the only occasion upon which I've given it much attention are those times that I have hated it the most; such as ten minutes of time out in the corner as a a child, or the doctor telling me he'll be out with an update in a half an hour. Those times when I am the most aware of time are the moments I hate it the most.; Yet, as Mr. Franklin points out, time may be the most essential thing of this life. Could it be that life truly is made up of time? Not in the sense of physicality, but that more so than any other element, time gives the created order most of its form. I have noticed a trend in my life as of late, that time is very much dealt with apathetically. I do not pay much note to time or those moments that slip past me with every breath. To a youth time is an endless well. It is not until near death, and only in the case that one is knowledgeable of its impending instance, that humans truly live out the fullness of time. Time is wasted on youth. A professor of mine, Dr. Dave Smith, spoke with me once about Sabbath Living. Its this idea that life is intended to be experienced in rhythms and cycles. He proposed a Hebraic idea that one's day began at sundown with the rest one took to prepare for it. In this notion life was lived out of the overflow. This really caught me off guard. My life is the exact converse. I run myself ragged until I cannot go on any longer, and then I sleep. But I only sleep until moments before I have to be at my first event of the day. My life needs rhythm. Something new, an entire retooling of methodology. As I have thought about this more, I've come to realize my waking moments too need to be re-imagined. What would it be like if I used up every moment with laser focus. What would I accomplish if I lived my life with exacting discipline? I have entered a season where I need to make this a reality. I must become more efficient. I feel this pressure to live life with urgency, a very palpable sense of urgency that directs my every movement. I must squeeze every drop out of life. To this I commit myself. I will learn to live my life well.

2010-04-03T07:40:00.000-07:00

Check out Bobby's newest post on the Lenten season as this last day overtakes us. I was struck by something Bobby said late last night. "We live much of our lives in that day between the death and resurrection." Only a very few moments of our lives do we feel the gravity of death or the joy of rebirth. I enjoyed breakfast this morning on a screened porch in New Palestine, Indiana. It was so nice to feel the wind lightly dust my face. The sun was all but up, and the rain clouds had yet to settle over the sky. So much peace was in the air today. Yet there is this weight, the world is pregnant with anticipation. How fitting that on this Saturday, between Good Friday, and Easter Sunday, that it rains. Two thousand years ago such a rain descended on Palestine, it brought on its shoulders the despair of the entirety of creation.

We know that on the wings of tomorrow's dawn a whole new life will be lived. Tomorrow is Easter, and the promise of salvation will be on my mind.

Grace and Peace,
Z

2010-03-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

Take a look at my article on divine simplicity on Theolook if you have a second.

2010-03-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

I was inspired to write some dating thoughts down on my Sartorial Man blog, "The First Date." leave me your comments!

2010-03-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

I wrote an article on Sunday called "The Million Dollar Degree." I would love some feedback. Let me know what you think! Elephants on Parade

2010-03-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

"He (St. Anthony) subjected himself in sincerity to the good men whom he visited, and learned thoroughly where each surpassed him in zeal and discipline. He observed the graciousness of one; the unceasing prayer of another; he took knowledge of another's freedom from anger and another's loving-kindness; he gave heed to one as he watched, to another as he studied; one he admired for his endurance, another for his fasting and sleeping on the ground; the meekness of one and the long-suffering of another he watched with care, while he took note of the piety towards Christ and the mutual love which animated all. Thus filled, he returned to his own place of discipline, and henceforth would strive to unite the qualities of each, and was eager to show in himself the virtues of all." - Athanasius the Great of Alexandria "Life of St. Anthony"

I was absolutely rattled to the core by what Athanasius said of St. Anthony. Anthony was a man that longed, both in word and action, to live the life of the kingdom. He dedicated himself to assimilating all of those Christian practices that might bring him higher and closer to God. He formed the man that he was to become by being a man of infinitate learning.

Athanasius himself was an incredible man. Educated at Alexandria and was only 35 when he became the patriarch of the same.

I am overcome in this moment with the shear volume of character between these great men and my own life. What does it look like to live a life of deep, life changing love. The kind of love that transforms our actions, and beckons us to the heart of God.

What prayer, what longing, can change the heart of a man? For how long must he pray for change?

O Lord, may you change my heart. May you help me to take on those disciplines that will draw me into your heart! Help me to opperate out of holy love.

2010-03-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

Take a look at my post to Theolook titled "On Infinity and Aseity"

2010-03-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

"In the same manner, many persons clothe themselves with certain outward actions connected with holy devotion, and the world believes that they are truly devout and spiritual whereas they are in fact nothing but copies and phantoms of devotion." -Francis de Sales

I see it as no coincidence that I have been reading the story "Tartuffe" by Moliere for my World Literature course when I happened upon Francis de Sales' "One True Devotion." While I am very slow to see happenstance as divine intervention, I truly do believe in a God that is active in the lives and hearts of people. Those people that are closest to me know my heart, and they can sense my sincerity, yet I have been very convicted lately of acts of false piety.

The Scriptures encourage a life of communal solitude. Somehow there is a way that a person can be in a crowded room and maintain profound personal solitude. We see this in Christ's exhortation to not let our hands know what the other is doing, or to "put oil on our foreheads" while fasting, and to lock ourselves away in prayer. These thread together in the idea that if we receive affirmation in our earthly lives "we have received our reward in full." The true depth of spirituality is met in the tension of reckless praise of the God of the Universe, and sober humility in acts of piety. A Christian must strive to never be guilty of the nomer Pharisee. I must labor to be in no way similar to Tartuffe.

O Lord, may I never be guilty of being a copy or phantom of devotion!

2010-03-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

Check out my latest "Theolook" post on the revelation and power of Scripture.

2010-02-24T20:48:00.000-08:00

"Yet every one of us who has the power of godliness in our heart will be inclined to seek the things of God. And whatever our state, this power will give us strength enough to overcome our weak inclinations so that these holy exercises will prevail over our weaknesses." -Jonathan Edwards (Religious Affections)

I love what Edwards is saying here. He is making a case that all people are lifeless animations, essentially, apart from our affections. If one has godliness, or a propensity toward Christ in one's heart, that individual will be brought to life by the compelling energy of that affection. If God is the energy behind our person He will be what is seen. We also receive power from these affections, if of God, to overcome those things that are the most dark, and the most depraved within us. I am finding myself continually more aware of my selfish, and privated inclinations. I must commit myself to letting God be my operating energy, my life behind my motions, the affection behind my exercise.

2008-03-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

Interesting morning today. I got up pretty early. However, not really early. And got nothing done. Went to work, and just felt aweful. It was a rough day for my healt. Just all around sore. I did however have a great day. Hung out with Julie Collins and her boyfriend Matt. Saw an old friend named Ari Davis at the mall which is alwyas fun. Without question one of the prettiest women I have ever seen, but just really a great friend. I have known her for almost three years. Kinda crazy when I think about things like that some times.

I had practice for a skit tonight. Should be fun.

Talked to my friend Joy Hurlow today. Hadn't heard from her in a while. Really cool. She is one of those just really great people that you never miss a beat with. Very cool thing for me.

Realized that I really need to step up my game in life!!!!!

2008-03-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

today was interesting. I woke up wicked late. I kinda just bummed around the house for several hours, and then went to work. Really uneventful. oh well

2008-03-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

So... Interesting day today. Ended up opening, realized how much I like that time of day. Worked with Craig, Ephraim, and Deb. I am really pretty excited for this week. I am teaching a seminar on coffee and it should be really good.

Had a good insight today. I write a lot because I like to. There are a very few days when I write, not because I love it, but because I think it will get me noticed. I don't want to be that guy. I want to write out of my love for God, my love for people, and the work that is going on in my life. I think that I can be very prone to ego. My humility is one thing that I pray in earnest God will grow in me.

Helped out a friend of our family today sanding some doors for finish. Went and helped him with his website.

I feel that I am making some negative progress toward dishonesty again. Not that I am lying again, it has been a while, but I am falling in to some habits of unreliability, and exaggeration. These are things that make me realize that I have an insufficient accountability network set up to handle. I need to really work on this!!!

Talk to Jess tonight. It had been far too long. I had begun to feel like she was ignoring me, and didn't want to be friends with me any more. Before I was friends with Jess I had never had a friend from that kind of social infrastructure, and very regularly find myself feeling inadequate, and ignored. If you know Jess, you would know that it is much more that she just struggles with being reliable and dependable. There are no bad feelings or anything. In fact as always, I think, and she affirms that she and Casper still feel the same way about me, and very highly value my friendship. Oh to be secure!!!

Stick with me God!!!

2006-07-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

So today is the first day I have posted anything since April. I realized just how much I miss blogging. I have been without computer, and internet. This has been such a great summer for me. I have attained autonomy! My appartment, is in Grand Haven, love everything about it. I have a girl, not girlfriend, although that is hopefully on the way. She is a spicy red head from Holland, and the most amazing woman of God I have ever met for her age. A true pillar of spiritual maturity. She is everything I have ever prayed to God I would find someday. I got up and read the most amazing insight into my life. Written by Mr. Oswald Chambers (If you want to check it out look at the devotional for July 31 in "My Utmost for His Highest), just a man who knows what is going on. I was so gripped by my tendencies. That God will see His work through to completion. It was really hopefull. God wants to see my patience reach its full potential. That is something that is meant to be heald for this life, to attain here.

Saw a great insight into my life. God wants me to be whole, and in Him. He wants me to be a whole person, knowing exactly who He made me to be, and somehow letting that be a light to the world. A very great mentor of mine once said that his aspiration was to be a suit that God could wear. I am at my best when I am not me at all but God in me.

Levi came over to get clothes for his fashionable court appearence. Got nailed for possesion and given nine months probation. Its funny to me that my brother is a homosexual and has no dress clothes. My friend Ari told me I should take away his gay card.

Met with a great friend from high school, Heather. It was so good to see her! Her boyfriend (one of the few guys I tolerate well) and her are doin so very well. She has just been in a really interesting place in her life. Great girl, great heart. Living with a great Christian family. Really hoping that she can take the message of Jesus to heart, despite the hurt from the church in the past.

Chilled at Mojo for an hour. Got to meet with one of my mentors, and without question the most intentional and insightful of my mentors. He is just one of those people that really takes the Romans 12:2 renwal passage to heart. Always looking at things differently, great, great writer too. We talked about theologians for a while. Talked a little bit about the work God had been doing in me as of late. He has in so many ways been a catalyst for my character growth in this season.

I miss my friend Justin like crazy! He is doing the Lord's work in some God almost forsaken place, and is undergoing a ton of growth. Working down south at a Christian Leader summit thing. Anxiously anticipating his return.

Came home for a brief snack before work. My friend Emily is leaving on Sunday for good. Very sad, she was in tears. Went to Java. Worked with JR. Way fun. Ben and Jen Robinson came in. Zaq got a new guitar, and Ibanez Artcore. Very sweet!

Returned home and watched some canoodling, and went to bed. Great day!

Shalom

2006-04-06T23:19:00.000-07:00

April 07, 2006
Life has been going ever so amazingly. I have really been enjoying time without my laptop. It is very liberating. I am still writing a lot, I'm just not sharing, and it doesn't really bother me either, I don't write for you anyways. Have a great day and God bless

Shalom
Z

2006-03-23T17:04:00.000-08:00

All I have to say is that I miss Sashma Blaike. I have just been sitting in my bedroom lately. My best friend Jess got a concussion. I just have Brandon for a while now... Oh shucks ;) I am trying to get to Canada but am having a lot of difficulties. I lost my passport in Slovakia, and they think I'm a terrorist... It makes me sad, my passport is red flagged, I don't know what to do. I have to think of something. Over the summer I met a couple of the most amazing girls, I haven't really talked about them at all on my blog, but I miss them all like mad. I got the closest to Sasha, she's from Canadia, how sweet is that!? Then Julie, who I see every day. Then Joy, she was almost too nice at first, but the more I got to know her the more attached I got. I really miss them a lot. I ran into Sasha's boyfriend at Jumpin' Java (he beat me to her lol j/k). Calvin is his name, what a great guy!!! Anyways, I am about to go have a nervous breakdown, between Jess, and my bro.
Shalom

2006-03-07T11:25:00.000-08:00

March 6th, 2006

It was just a really good day. I got up late, got some excersise in. Cleaned up my room, got into Grand Haven for work by the skin of my teeth. Got to work with Jacob. That was really fun.
Jess came into Jumpin' Java tonight. Brought in the third member of the "Fab Five," Christy. She was gorgeous, once again proving that beauty travels in packs.
Met this brother/sister writing combo. Great Christian kids. Her name was Ashley, stunning, and works right over at the salon by me. Who'de have known?
Closed Java, went to sleep.
Spiritual introspection: What can I do to bring a bit of heaven to earth?

2006-03-06T14:19:00.000-08:00

March 5th, 2006

I'm lazy. After yesterday I decided to take a sabbath day, especially as it pertained to that fitness bike. My parents went off to New Life Church. It kills me but I did have a good talk with my dad about it. There will never be another pastor anywhere that is even close to Dennis, but this move is something that will serve to get Janaya back into the church. If it works, it will be a huge answer to prayer, and they will likely come back after Janaya graduates. She was profoundly hurt over the course of the last few years there, and seems to be genuinely interested in going here.

We are in the Godblog series at SLWC. It is really cool. Opening my eyes to how to have God's heart in prayer. I have been serving as Dennis' second hand man in a way on a Sunday morning here and there for 59West. Moving a ladder for him, giving him his water, for me its like being a bulls fan and towel boying for Michael Jordan. When it comes to knowing the Spirit of God, I almost feel like Dennis should have his own scribe. He just seems to make right decisions, and always speaks humbly. If you go to church there you'll understand. He has assembled a team that borders perfection. It truly is a dream team. Every person in every position is the best of the best, the crème de la crème of whatever. He sits poised not as a king, but almost as a father, or coach, sitting back and gently guiding, allowing the players, and children to receive all the credit. Leading after God's heart.

Went out to eat with Annie, CJ, B, and Cathy after church. I learn more and more on every meeting that Kathy is just amazing. She is so nice, and just really cares. One of those people that you just want to have as a friend, but know it is only by the grace of God that such people even exist around you.

Observation: God doesn't put nice people around you for guild but for gentle guidance.

Got to hang out with Brandon and meet his parents. It is really nice to have a best guy friend again. It was a void I had been praying would be filled, and he not only fills it but exceeds it. Since Seth left I just hadn't had anyone, no real comrade in Christ. I am just really at a good place when it comes to my friendships, and I thank God for his grace in them.

Spiritual thought: we must engage deeply, truly swim in the deep streams of life.

My cousin leaves in a few hours for Oregon. It was really nice to have her home. She is moving out there with her boyfriend. I didn't like him at first but after his having spent Christmas with us I learned that he is just a great guy. First time I have ever been wrong on a first impression, humbling. I love her and will miss her deeply, but you know what this means... I need to tack Oregon onto my list of places to go soon.

Shalom

2006-03-06T14:18:00.000-08:00

March 4th, 2006

My dad woke me up after his casual twelve mile run. He sickens me, him and his blasted weight loss, and triathlon training. I just feel like a fat kid in my second decade of life, scared of my size in the third. Realizing more and more that health is a spiritual issue. Once again word for the year is character, which dictates that instead of whining about it like a little girl, I needed to do something about it. Got on our stationary bike for a half an hour. It was really good! Kinda soar now, not going to lie. It really is amazing how much better I feel about me right now though. Almost as if I had just won a marathon. I think that exercise needs to become a consistent part of my life henceforth.

Observation: Health is a spiritual issue!!!!!!!

Lyssa, Julie, and their friend Bethany were up from IWU today. Crazy thing happened. I got to talking to Lyssa about this cool girl I know from Illinois (just so you understand the scope of her coolness, she reads the writings of Augustine, and is a photographer, and signs her e-mails with AHAVARIM, you probably don't understand, but she passes all levels of cool on human scales), and it turns out she is from the same home town as Tessa, and even more freaky, they are best friends. Crazy small world!

Observation: Globalization will be the next catalyst to the spread of the Christian Church.

I saw a guy that looked like Dave Horne at Java. And I just want to talk about Dave for a second. In my eight+ years of being at SLWC there has been no other person there that has more intentionally, and deeply discipled me than Dave! It has only been within the last three or so years, but it has more than made up for the rest of my life. It is a humbling, and inspiring experience to know that a person, and not just a person, but a true man of God that you revere, for some reason really believe in you. I think about that verse at the end of Mathew that says to continue making disciples of every nation.

Observation: Dave Horne has set my bar for what it means to truly live out the great commission.

Reva had her birthday party tonight, at Java. We had a band, and between the groups that those two events brought in, every one of my favorite customers was in tonight besides the Ron's and Todd Anthis. Happy 16^th Reva!

Shalom

2006-03-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

March 3, 2006

Woke up at the but-crack of dawn this morning. Wanted to make sure Jess' clothes were perfect, I think she expected when she wasn't the one waking me up, I was calling her. She had to go back to her place to get the directions and makeup ideas. Got to my house, which by the way was her inaugural visit. I was overwhelmed during my morning prayer time of just how good I think she could be at the public speaking thing. I was talking with Christina about how Real was going two weeks ago at FP Fusion, and she told me about how much she loved Jess, and the kind of impact she was having on her. Knowing what I know about Christina I am so glad that she has a role model like her. I think of what I could have been like, or what Jess could have been like if we would have had the kind of investment in us that Jess puts into her girls. My word for this year is character. One of the things I've been praying over my own life is that I would act on leadings of the spirit, and so after I got done praying I borrowed the bro's car to go give Jess a book. I just really do think she could change the lives of so many young women out there, and want to do everything I can to see her live out her dream.

Thought for Jess: We are the change we want to see in the world! Go conquer it, and if you ever have doubts call me and I'll put some sense back in ya! ~All the love in the world.

Levi's birthday was yesterday, and I didn't get to spend much time with him at all. To make up for it we went up to the mall, and chilled there for a while. I love shopping with the kid. He is the only person I really trust when it comes to style, sorry to all of my other friends, but he's gay, he's just one up on you. I realized today how much I like being around him, it proves that blood is thicker than watter. He dropped me off at work.

Rachel came in tonight, I had told Leslie about the fight and she told her. I hate seeing people cry, especially for what this was over. There are no words to describe it. Looking into the eyes of this young woman, so innocent, yet so afflicted. I believe that I now understand righteous anger, I just hope that I can harness this for good in my life. How can I treat people better. Where do I lack in my encouragement of others? How can I be a more meaningful participant in peoples lives. And most importantly of all, how can I better embody Christ every day, what can I do to more clearly mirror His face to the world?

Questions for the King: Why Lord do you let such good people suffer so greatly, and could you in some way use me to lessen their suffering?

2006-03-06T14:14:00.000-08:00

March 2nd, 2006

Woke up at two p.m. today. Stayed up lated playing the guitar. Took a shower and went into work. Ol' Forrest was working tonight. That crazy red head! I wish he'd have gone to my high school. Rachel, Leslie, and Lauren stopped in to visit Justin. Beauty it seems travels in packs. I am still infuriated about what those guys said about Rachel. Never even knew I had a violent side until I heard them say that. She is just one of those people. Nice to everyone, drop dead gorgeous, sincere, brilliant, humble, persistent, and just has a great heart. I only know a little of her, but I feel strongly that every encounter is a small portrait of a much bigger heart. I believe the world about her. I think that our prayer life reflects where our hearts are, I am just so burdened to see her not have to deal with this. I see in her more of how adversity builds character than in most anyone else I've ever met.

Emily came in. Talked to her about her future plans. Was feeling really depressed. She wants to make a difference in this world and has the abilities to do it. For some reason it seems that this world wants to drag our generation down with thoughts of practicality, and lifestyle, as though they care nothing for mission or purpose. She had a teacher tell her (from her own personal experience) that working in the inner city wasn't worth it because of the pay. It broke me up. Why has such a change of heart occurred. It seems sometimes that all we hear is how important money is, when all we want to do is change the world. Why are so many amazing hearts broken by such lack of sight, and vision? I think that the reason that so many people from our age bracket are seeking religion is because it is the only thing big enough to hold our ambitions. Maybe parents, teachers, and other Gen-X pluss-ers should begin to cast a vision big enough for us to fill, instead of shrinking us to their narrow visions.

Spiritual question: why is passion so fervently extinguished, and beauty so cruelly asphyxiated?

Brandon, and Jess and I went over and hung out with Julie Collins. Its really nice that all of my closest friends get along so well together. I realized today just how much I missed Jess, and Brandon. I got a little glimpse of how difficult life is going to be as we undoubtedly move toward separate lives. I also saw a very scary reality, regardless of whether or not I get into IWU I am going to have to part with one of them, even if only for a little while, it is something I don't want to let linger in my thoughts for now. We said goodbye to Jules as she was going down to Holland to visit her man. You go Eggenschwiler!

Went over to Jess' house. Brandon was over, and we all had a good time. Found out Jess shares my passion for Shamrock Shakes, I bet your all surprised. Jess has a photo shoot tomorrow, and wants to look stunning. I, of course, want the same thing for her, so I offered to iron her clothes. I was tired, as heck, and it was late, but hey I had caffeine in me, and time to spare. Got home and started about midnight. You might not believe me but there is an intricate art to ironing pleats. I broke out the “Man Book” (I am authoring it myself, its a collection of magazine clippets of basic things every man must know). My favorite author is a buttler from England named Mr. Besteley. He has been a butler for 37 years, and truly models for me what it means to be a servant, but also what it means to be a leader and to do everything to the best of your abilities. For a basic Sunday shirt the built in steamers would suffice, but for a model, no. I did the wet towel method on all of them. Up till about three. I think viewing it as art changes things a bit, makes it less mathematical, and kept my mind off the time. Had to keep saying to myself that sacrifice is everything in friendship, but when you care strongly enough for some one even a bullet becomes inconsequential.
Spiritual introspection: I need to be a more unselfish person, period!

2006-03-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

March 1st, 2006

Wednesday was a long day. Woke up early and went out for breakfast with three of my favorite girls in the whole world, and one of their twin sisters. We didn't really even talk about anything, but it somehow never got old. Two of the five are different, somehow set apart. They are very genuine. Kelsey is seeing this guy, lots of potential, but never really been invested in. Sarah is a sweetheart. Don't know where either of them really stand on spirituality. Kelsey is rock solid in her character, and goes to first Presbyterian, but I don't know how much of what she heard is on religion as oppose to relationship. Sarah's dad is a Christian, and she has the heart, but I've never talked about it with her. They both remain in my prayers.

Spiritual question: why do adults with so much to give spend so much time not investing?

Spent some good time on my computer at Jumpin' Java. Out of nowhere Bailey dropped in. Interesting and unexpected. We played chess, I won. I even typed a paper for a scholarship, and still won, I must learn to speak humbly of myself on nerd games.

Went with Doris to get her oil changed. It never happened. The lady from the shop brought us back to Java. The next hour before I signed in for the night was occupied by a massive conquest on Doris' part over a game of Scrabble. I wish public speaking were like Scrabble. Systematically placing words, completely controlled, and never rushed or panic stricken.
Work went by slowly, only items of note were that I got to work with Laura and a couple in the lonely booth. I could hear him pressuring her to engage in intercourse with him. It killed me. This carnal tussle between instinct and true intimacy. Why do so many lovely young ladies have to go through this? Why do so many men try to find themselves in this violent unfulfilling conquest?

Spiritual exhortation: Let us try to fill ourselves with Christ and let all else fall aside!

Went over to Jess' house. It was a great night. Just kinda chilled in the “Hooka Nook” (don't worry, there are no narcotics involved in the hooka nook.). Any time spent with those girls is a gift from God.

2006-03-03T20:39:00.000-08:00

So just to be honest I only read two blogs on a regular basis. One of them is my best friend in the whole world, the other is a casual aquantance from Chicago, two young woman of whom's writing has changed my life. Tessa is a young artist, about my age. I met her at jumpin java read and enjoy.

Friday, November 11, 2005

At only 10:12 am this day so far as been beautifully full of life.

I woke up early to walk through the neighborhoods of my city to a coffee shop a mile 1/2 away. I read Saint Augustine's "The Confessions" as I walked. It's all autumn outside.

I passed the nursing home down the street from my house. I saw an skinny old man, wrinkled and stiff, trying to catch his garbage cans which were escaping in the wind. I ran over and helped him.

His name is Arthur, I found out. He lives right across from the nursing home. I asked him if he'd lived there a long time (hoping to hear a "30 years ago, this city was etc. etc." story). No, though. He had a better story.

He moved there 5 years ago to be close to his wife, Polly, who was living in a Nursing home. She had a stroke 6 years back, and he couldn't care for her alone. So she moved in to the nursing home, and he moved in to a house across the street from it.

He goes there every morning. He dresses her; he teases and hair sprays her fiery red hair. He ties her shoes. He eats breakfast with her, and reads her the morning paper. He takes her for walks in her wheelchair. He listens to her talk (which, he said, few people can understand. The stroke severely altered her ability to talk, but he understands her just fine.)

He writes letters to her from his little house across the street, and mails them to her; then reads them to her when she receives them in the mail the next day.

He loves her very much, he told me.

I'm thinking of doing a photo doc. story and pitching it to the local paper.

Or at least portraits.

I continued on my walk to the coffee shop. Down town was alive with people setting up for the Veterans Day Parade.

I saluted every Veteran in uniform I passed, and realized that I'll never not feel Ten years old. It's okay, though.

As I continued, I saw two people who I love dearly. First, my friend Zechariah, a huge African American man who directs a small gospel choral that was to perform that morning during the Parade. I've known Zechariah for 4 years, and he is one of the coolest people (and most fashion savvy) I know. He's full of love.

Also, he's a great dj and dancer.

He gots soul.

I walked in to the coffee shop, and two seconds later, benjie hughes walked in.

benjie is one of my dearest friends, and is very precious. we together recalled that we've known each other over 5 years, and i think that's lovely.

I walked home. Packed. Now I'm heading out the door for a weekend in MI with some more people I love dearly.

Love is lovely.

Life is lovely. Because it's interesting. It's so hard and difficult and beautiful and ugly and fluid.

12:10 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it

2006-02-27T22:18:00.000-08:00

I loved an hated everything about today. I had one of the best mornings ever. Sat in the Willbur Williams Prayer Chapel this mornign for two hours, wow. I feel like God was revealing a ton of who I was, and who He was, and how we need to interact. I have looked at my time with Him as something contrived, an effort. Early morning Bible study, late night prayer. God showed me that if it were my wife, I wouldn't wake up at 5 in the morning to spend time like that, I spend casual time daily and would reserve larger chunks of time monthly or weekly. I need to take better time with Him. Keith Drury spoke in chapel. It was great. I felt so at home at IWU. My time with Chris was great. I left Julie and Dan to have their alone time. I wonder what it will be like to have a girl feel about me the way my two best girl friends feel about their guys. It also sucked at the same time. I just feel so alone, so vulnerable, like a turtle without its shell. I just hate the place I'm in right now, but realize I am a fractured person that must become whole before I will be ready to join another whole. I know the right girl is out there for me but I also know that I'm not the right guy for her yet. I discovered, in my interactions at IWU, that I am everything every girl wants, but nothing that any girl wants. It kills me, but I must come to peace with this.

Shalom

2006-02-26T22:45:00.000-08:00

Late for church this morning. Woke up late, and just got surprised by Annie knocking at my door. I was in my pajamas. My dad hopped in the shower right as I was going in there. Oh well. Got to church for a great service, late, but whatever. Dave Horne spoke today, I just love that guy! Really lives what he talks about. Great discipler, probly the best I've known in my life so far. Got lunch with Annie, ate in Julies car. Left from Starsucks... Starbucks, and we were on our way. The ride to Indiana was fun. Got to really talk to Julie on the way. Boundless love and respect for that girl!!! Mentioned to her today that after being a part of Fruitport Fusion it would be hard or impossible to go back to Spring Lake. Such a good leader, and really good about encouragement, something I have missed since Steve went to go start Watermark.
Question of the car ride: What would it be like if we lived counter-intuitively?
I have to say, it was really cool to be around people that really care about each other, waiting for that special someone.
Got into Dan's show. He wasn't as surprised as I thought he would be, but overjoyed to see Julie. Every time I'm around Dan I just like the guy more. Would love to be able to work with him in the future.
Went and saw the art show with Jules at 4:00. Met her friend Lyssa, great girl.
Dinner with Chris, now I just want to talk about Chris Boyer for a second. I feel like he is some long lost brother of mine. Like he somehow got detached from my family, and I'm just now being re-united with him. I see so much just really good stuff in him. If for nothing else, just being able to hang with Chris would make my experience at IWU worth while. His ability to just be still and firm is inspiring, his humility is genuine, and his artistic ability surpass any words I can put to screen, the closest word I can formulate is humbling. I have had the priveledge and honor of watching a true artist create. Watching him work has really blurred the line for me between art and genius. I told Chris I feel like I should be making a documentary. To take a raw mental image and turn it into something profound, and influencial, just shows me what it means to make art ministry. I am retiring for the evening

Shalom

2006-02-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

Crashed at Jess's. It was fun, actually finished a movie. We tried watching princess diaries three times, and never even made it halfway. I woke up early, if you concider eight early. Sat and talked to Kristen, for a while. She's so inspiring. Just waiting on God, eduring boredom for the sake of the kingdom. Feeling static and unchallenged, but content with who she is and what God mader her to be. That is the kingdom of heaven. Bringing light to the dark places. She works at a pre-school in Holland. Amazing with children. She tells me stories about how she is bad at her job, she is the co-director, and the children try to get in trouble so they they can go visit Miss Kristen.
Scriptural ideal: What would it be like if the kingdom of God crashed into the kingdom of earth.
Jess woke up at like 11:30, I wish I could have. We watched Moonstruck, "I don't want to talk about it."
I came to an awkward realization. Jess is not only one of the best friend I've ever had, she is also one of the most amazing people I've ever known... Period!!! Everything from prepping the couch for me, to sending me a lean cousine for dinner at work. She is just a person I can be myself around. I feel like I will spend the next years of my life looking for her clone. She makes me wish that a groom could just have groom's people in stead of goomsmen. I'll probly just ask my fiance to let her be a bride's maid, don't know if that is wierd or not, don't really care.
Got asked by the lovely and talented miss Collins to do an art project. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but it has to depict forgiveness, submit any ideas as comments.
I new friend was in at java. Wrestling with what it means to wait on God. What it means to prepare for a call that is uncertain. To make a key for a lock with secret tumblers. And where to go when nothing is revealled. I have been wrestling with such a question myself. I have begun to come to the conclusion that if God gave us the whole vision we would never have reason to use our faith. I guess our lives are like a scroll, all of its contents known, and guided, but not all unravelled. Fascinated.

Thought for today: What if I could life today with the hope of bringing a little bit more of the kingdom of heaven to earth, to bring a little of God to my life.